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We (don’t) belong together

15 red carpet fails we want to set on fire.

Make like Mariah.

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Let us say this right here: in our eyes, Mariah Carey can do no wrong. She’s all we want for Christmas: this is the woman who gave us Sweet, Sweet Fantasy Baby, who rapped with Jay Z for Heartbreaker and whose Instagram we can’t look away from.

If any celebrity knows how to do a breakup in style, it’s her. So when we got wind that she’d torched her $250k would-be wedding dress in a video for her new track, I Don’t, we yelled GO GET ‘EM GIRL. What. A. Boss.  

So what others should go the same way as Mariah’s Valentino? We share our favourite red carpet fails in search of fuel for her fire. Worst dressed, here we come…

Swan song: Björk at the 73rd Academy Awards (2001).

We mourn for the millennials who never got to experience Björk when she was fresh out of the boxes. Guys, you missed out. And maybe you’ll never truly understand why she wore a swan as a dress, or even why she mimicked laying an egg on the carpet, but we do. But if you’ve seen White Chicks, you get the gist. 

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Source: IMDB

Shine on: David Duchovny at the Emmy’s (1995) 

Is that wallpaper? Or is it curtains that have been shaped into clothes ala The Sound of Music? Whatever it is, the truth is out there (somewhere). 

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She’s got it ALL going on: Whoopi Goldberg, 65th Annual Academy Awards (1993)

Let’s let this one speak for itself. The woman isn’t just a nun, she’s a PROPHET.

The lilac menace: Tyra Banks at the 72nd Annual Academy Awards (2000)

So there are these cakes (they’re called Dolly Varden) and they are the best. You stick a doll in it and –wal-lah! – she’s a princess in a skirt. Never mind that you have to cut off your Barbie’s legs to make her fit in the cake. Anyway, that’s what this dress reminds us of. A small child’s birthday cake, fresh out of the pages of Women’s Weekly cookbook. Amputations aside, LAVENDER? Really??

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Nice day for a white wedding? Uma Thurman at the 76th Annual Academy Awards (2004)

Now this dress can join the list of one of life’s greatest mysteries. Is she a pirate? Or is she getting married? And if she IS getting married, producers of Married At First Sight should take note. THIS is a dress that would make headlines. But it’s the blue sash that really gets us. A secret shout out to the Masons?

Make it stop: Reese Witherspoon, 88th Annual Academy Awards (2016)

Damn Reese. Again with the purple.

Wrong theme: Lara Flynn Boyle at the 75th Annual Academy Awards (2003)

Don’t you just hate it when you read the invitation wrong and come in theme?

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Source: The Daily Mail

Power to her: Demi Moore at the 61st Annual Academy Awards (1989)

Demi Moore is pretty amazing. Versatile even. We mean, this is the woman who can go from Striptease to GI Jane. So are you really that surprised that her 1989 Oscars outfit included bike shorts? She’s going places. Mainly in – and then straight back out – of Ashton’s Kutcher’s life.

The perennial boy scout: Pharrell Williams, 88th Annual Academy Awards (2016)

Looks like he is about to wade through a puddle (or move to North Bondi).

We genuinely wanted this dress: J-Lo at the Grammy Awards in 2001

This Versace dress, pioneered on the arm of then-named rapper Puff Daddy, was replicated for private girls schools’ Year 10 formals nationwide for years to come. 

Purple haze: Lil Kim at the 1999 VMAs

All we need to say about this one is that Miley ‘Wrecking Ball’ Cyrus ripped it of (... For a Halloween costume). On ya.

NSFW: Rose McGowan at the 1998 MTV Video Music Awards

Mum would not approve. This is what happens when you hang out with the wrong kind of boys. (Yeah, Marilyn, we’re looking at you.)

Shine bright like a diamond: Rhi Rhi at CFDA’s 2014

“What do you want on your dress Rhianna?” “230,000 Swarovski crystals.” “Coming right up.”

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Low-fi: Pam Anderson at the 73rd Annual Academy Awards (2001)

We all have those pals who only have one outfit. Denim cut off skirt and a white shirt. They should be able to come to the party too. Plus, she is CJ. 

Bride wars: Geena Davis at the 64th Annual Academy Awards (1992)

This woman is truly in a league of her own. Is she a bride? Or does she hail from Vegas?  It’s all about the mystery fellas.

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