Don’t you think the vampires-are-people-too thing has gone a little too far? I mean, the whole point of a vampire is that they survive by sucking your blood. I don’t care if his skin glows and twinkles and he smells like kittens and fabric softener, he’s still just a glorified syringe. Remember the last time you had blood drawn? Yeah, me too, and it sucked! It’s time we put an end to this nonsense: edward, may i treat you to a stake dinner?