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Elf Off The Shelf - A Parody

Elf On The Shelf

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  in this for-parent’s-eyes-only parody of the popular holiday title, the elf on the shelf, readers laugh along with horace as he goes awol from his christmas duties. This photo-story set to verse is the unauthorized (and hilarious) tale of one disgruntled little helper with a gift for making mischief. I honestly did believe this shelf gig was going to be great. ‘get out and see the world,’ they said. ‘experience the joy of wide-eyed kids, holiday cheer, and the christmas spirit,’ they promised. ‘finally leave your parents’ basement for once in two hundred and sixty-seven years,’ they told me. I was sold. And off i went. As a member of santa’s spy squad, i headed down south for the holidays to help the big guy decide who’s naughty and who’s nice. It was going to be a wonderful change of pace from the screwing, hammering, sanding, painting, and wrapping happening in ol’ st. Nick’s workshop. Or so i thought . . . ~horace the elf doll not included

Childish Things

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